So this boy keeps saying I'm gorgeous and beautiful and smart and all these things I know I'm SO far from. And then I told him what I thought. Like for example, he said I was amazing. I replied, Why do you like me so much A? There are so many other girls that are way prettier and thinner than me. Then he said, no, not to me, your the best of every girl I've seen. And then I knew his problem. He's so obviously blind! Like for sure! That's why he thinks I'm pretty. He said no. Damn. What's wrong with this boy? Oh and before that, I think he was trying to make me jealous or something because he told me that he made out with three girls on a cruise ship. I don't really care because well, I don't like him. But he's so sweet and nice. I feel bad because I played him real bad. But that's a whole different story then this one. Let me wrap the first story up and then I'll move on to the next. So A is basically in love with me, but I can't see why. He tells me I'm funny and beautiful, and I just don't know what he see's in me. But I'm confused because I like it when he says those things to me, even though I know their not true (but he begs to differ.) I just don't know what to do! Not to sound shallow, but I know I'm going to, I would like him, Its just he's so short, pale and not hot; no one likes him; and he's sort of weird and Emo. Not that I don't like emotional people, I have a couple of Emo friends, but he is just way to scary for me, at times. But sometimes, he's so cute. If he was just hotter, and taller, I might just go out with him. So the point/problem is, I have all these mixed feelings on what to do and how I feel and I hate it. I hate this stupid feeling of unsureness (though that's not a word, I believe. Or is it?) I just wish, god, I don't even know what I wish! No wait, yes I do. I wish there was just hot, good personality people and ugly, boring people. HAHA, wow I sound so stupid. I just want there to be no mixed feelings, or better yet, something to really throw me off about him. Something HUGE that will make me not like him. That would be great.
Okay, here's the next story. I'll make this long story short. So, what happened was were were talking to each other online and he told me that he cut his wrist. I was so scared of him dying and he told me he wasn't going to stop. He did say though he would if I made out with him. I would feel SO bad if he died because of me (not making out with him), so I stupidly said I would in school the next day in the bathroom. (Stupid, I know.) Then I really didn't want to and so when I found him waiting by my locker, I freaked out and said "Be right back!" and ran into the bathroom with my friends. When he went to the lunch room, my friends and I left the bathroom and went to the cafeteria too. I sat at my table and he say about 5 tables down. He stared at me the whole lunch and then when everyone was suppose to go outside, I did too because I was afraid to stay inside in case he did. (We have this thing in my school where you can go outside for "free time" aka recess but I hate calling it that, or you can stay inside.) Of course, he saw me going outside and he went outside too. He was trying to find me and he saw me and my friend C running away from him. A asked my friend E what we were doing and E just said she didn't know and ran inside with us. E told me he looked really upset that I was running away from him. And when I tried to defend myself by saying "But he wants to make out with me! Practically rape me!" (not really but I'm very dramatic and exaggerate) she said to me "Think about how you would feel if G (my use to be crush, but not really anymore since he said some mean stuff to me and still hasn't apologized) was running away from you." That made me feel SO SO SO guilty. I never apologized to him about that. Maybe I should next time I talk to him online or see him. But with me, I'm too much of a coward and I'll probably end up not saying it.
Okay my ranting is done. I'm tired, because it's 2 in the morning, but don't be surprised if i post later on today. I like to write (obviously shown from above. Who else is so pathetic to write about a stupid boy problem that isn't really much of a problem?) Anyway, goodnight to all. Oh, and when G apologizes, I'll put up another post explaining everything and how we got into the fight in the first place. Sorry darlings, just gotta wait a bit. Or maybe he won't ever say sorry. Well if he doesn't by March 5 (just a random date, and I think I'm getting my braces off that day too...), then I will put up a post about the tragic loss of an extremely hot guy. So hot...
Okay, I'm going insane (lmao.) Okay, night/good morning. (I'm not really sure what to say because its 2 now.) *~nelly~*
- Location:My room
- Mood:indescribable
- Music:Trainwreck-Demi lavato
So now that I got that done, I'd just like to make a few updates. People change. It's a fact. Some people change in a good way, some in a bad way. I have changed, to me, I think it's in a good way. Maybe to others, it is bad, but I hope no one thinks so. My feelings about people and subjects have been altered to a point where I look at things not as simply as I have before. As you may notice in my past post, I was very childlike, if that's not a understatement. I used the work "like" a lot, and still do, but as you may notice, I'm trying to be more sophisticated.
Basically, I'm less girl-y and don't focus on little problems as much. Well, this is not true, because the other day, I did focus on a stupid, tiny problem that 5 years from now probably wont make a difference in my life. So, no one can just automatically change in about 2 days, right? So let me re-phrase what I said before. I am TRYING to be less childish. Maybe not less girl-y (lmfao) because I like my Steve Madden shoes.
So what I'm trying to say is, my actions are different, so now my writing will be different to. I just thought it would be nice to put up a post on this change, that's all. So, goodbye :). *~nelly~*
- Mood:
gloomy
Profile
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
foreveryours133- foreveryours133
Syndicate
